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Older "Momhood"... Getting More Customary

  1. #1
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    Older "Momhood"... Getting More Customary

    I have a friend who's getting very worried about not having a family yet. It's been getting progressively worse each year, but now that her 32nd birthday is approaching next month, it's bothering her worse than ever.

    She is more of a romantic and wants to find her Prince Charming before having a baby, so getting pregnant solely for the reason of being a single mom doesn't appeal to her.

    I'm not sure how to make her feel better about this. I'd tell her that many people are having healthy babies well into their late 30s and beyond, but she's wise enough to know the heightened risks that will be starting for her in a couple of years.

    Would the rest of you moms try to "help" her at the risk of making it worse by keeping the topic in the front of her mind, or not say much and let it play out as it will?

  2. #2
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    This is one of those situations, I think, where I probably wouldn't give any advice. I'd probably just try to listen and let her complain. (But I'd probably quickly tire of that and if she got annoying about it I'd probably start avoiding her because that tends to be my pattern with people who complain.)

    Obviously you and I know that 32 isn't really that big of a deal for not having a husband or a family in some circles, and ancient in others. It sounds to me like she's lonely. There is a lot of societal pressure (especially with social media) to keep up with everyone in our country. Either you can ignore it or you can't. But this is one of those things where the circumstances aren't probably going to change until her attitude does.

    Again though, I'm not sure she wants advice. I think she just wants sympathy.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by clairebeautiful View Post
    Obviously you and I know that 32 isn't really that big of a deal for not having a husband or a family in some circles, and ancient in others. It sounds to me like she's lonely. There is a lot of societal pressure (especially with social media) to keep up with everyone in our country. Either you can ignore it or you can't. But this is one of those things where the circumstances aren't probably going to change until her attitude does.

    Again though, I'm not sure she wants advice. I think she just wants sympathy.
    Oh yes, absolutely... I'd never ever offer advice in a situation like this. I was just wondering if the better choice would be just listening and not saying much, or assure her that she's not "too old" to become a mom.

    I can't see her going into complaint mode either... it's more like an underlying sadness and I hate seeing it. I went through a little of it myself when I was convinced I'd never get married. But I got married a month after I turned 22, so the worrying must have been when I was 19 or 20.

  4. #4
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    Kate,
    I imagine your friend may do well with a little validation. And the good news about that is that you can take yourself off the hook for having to have any kind of answers for her. I imagine to her it doesn't really matter whether women are having children deep into their 40's. It sounds like she just isn't where she'd like to be, and that's an uncomfortable place to be.

    It sounds like you really care about her in that you are asking how to best approach her, and she's fortunate to have you. Probably empathizing with her and letting her know that her feelings make sense will go a long way.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by jill@bgg View Post
    It sounds like you really care about her in that you are asking how to best approach her, and she's fortunate to have you. Probably empathizing with her and letting her know that her feelings make sense will go a long way.
    Thanks, Jill (and I'm sorry I didn't see your reply to me before!) I think you're right and that's a good way to handle it. I will be seeing her soon and I know that Christmas will be especially tough for her, but I'll just do what I can and hope that it's not the wrong thing to say or do.

  6. #6
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    Wow i don't ever have a thought that 32 it is old momhood

  7. #7
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    As for me I don't see any problem in this. Her age is great and she shouldn't be worry about it. Of course it is necessary to visit doctor in order to watch her health. But most part of women in the world bear children only after the age of 30 and there is nothing awful in such fact. Just try to calm her by these facts and help your friend to find her Prince!

  8. #8
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    I was 38 when I had my son. I never thought I would have children, but at any age they are a joy. Is there a reason why she is worried about having a child late in life? Are there health issues or something? Or is it like previous people have stated she just wants validation or worried she will never find what she is looking for? Trust me no matter how old you are you will still love the child the same. Also, with age hopefully comes wisdom, experience, and patients. Good luck! and like someone else said maybe she just needs an ear to hear her because she is frustrated with not getting what she wants, NOW.

  9. #9
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    Hi,
    I had my son when I was 38, and my daughter at 42. Now she is one year old, and I am planning one more kid soon. Hope it happens.

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