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Need advice and to vent!!! Found out horrible things about husbands family....

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    Phoenix
    Posts
    5

    Need advice and to vent!!! Found out horrible things about husbands family....

    Okay so where do I start? So sorry this is going to be long but I really appreciate any advice. Before me and my husband got married he was really honest with me that his dad had cheated on his mom and went to jail for punching his brother and had a stint with alcohol and drugs. I thought I was prepared coming into a pretty dysfunctional family. But right after Christmas we found out a whole new slew of things that I am not comfortable with. I guess his dad is an exhibitionist who has been to jail and rehab for it before. He has tried sexual advances with two of the sister in laws and now looking back knowing what I know now has tried stuff with me. His mom has known about this since before the divorce (10 years now). I am pissed at the whole situation and how stupid his family is. Why were none of the sister in laws warned about their father in law. Why didn't his mom come to us and tell us to be careful around him. Why didn't the sister in laws who had experiences with him tell us not to have him stay at our house (which he did) or tell us to not spend the night at his house. Also why are they letting their young daughters to stay at his house and sit on his lap and whatnot. I am just disgusted. Also my sister in law keeps calling my husband and talking for hours and in my opinion being completely inappropriate. The worst part of it all is that as much as I try to separate the situation from my husband I can't. I feel distant and disconnected to him. I don't want to be intimate I don't know what traits he might have got from his father. I am embarrassed to admit but I have seriously thought of leaving him. I don't want any of this around my sweet babies and I don't want to be around it. I don't want the drama, I don't want to explain why my kids can't be alone with grandpa, and I don't want to risk the fact that my husband might have some traits of his father. I don't know what to do!!! I just want to quit but I know I shouldn't. What would you do?? Anything would help I have no one else to vent to!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    6
    Wowza! Looks like you have a lot to deal with. Talk it out with your husband be honest about your feelings and concerns. Go with your instinct, and best interest for your children. But you have to make sure you look at all the angles. If you leave your husband and he also gets visitation and custody mow your children are unsupervised and you basically have no say in where they go and whom they see when they are with their dad. There's a lot of people who have had messed up upbringings and have messed up parents but still turn out okay and don't pick up any of their negative experiences. I'll be praying for you and your babies ��

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    Phoenix
    Posts
    5
    Thank you so much diymomma I appreciate your advice and kind words. I have talked it out with my husband and he is hurt but is understanding. I think we may start counseling. Thanks again!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Vancouver Island, BC, Canada
    Posts
    7
    I'm glad you spoke with your husband and he was able to get past his hurt feelings to see your side of things. I know dealing with the dysfunction of inlaws can be pretty stressful. If I had my choice I would have cut my MiL and her spouse out of our lives and leave it at that but unfortunately the one thing *I* have to be sensative about is my husband's feelings towards his mom. They have history (both good and bad) and even though she's got the crazies and sometimes he himself wants to slam the door and never look back I have to respect that she is his mother and that may never happen.. So we, the daughters-in-law, must arm ourselves and our children as best we can.. which can include some ground rules and hurt feelings. My step-father-in-law made sexual advances towards me when my husband and I were young (quite young). I discussed it with him and we've agreed that his mother and her husband are not to be aloud alone with our children (we now have a daughter). I fully expect one day this will blow up in our faces (because for now we play nice and simply don't allow ourselves to be put into situations where a confrontation needs to happen if we can help it) but for now we are leaving that bridge until it must be crossed. As long as you and your husband know where those boundaries are and agree on them you should be ok. You are his wife, he chose you.. so he needs to be prepared to side with you if a confrontation happens and he needs to be able to fight that battle against them if something comes up.

    How are you guys doing these days? Did you go to counseling?

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