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Desperate for advice

  1. #1

    Desperate for advice

    My daughter, who will be 4 in July has become a monster. She has always been the most well behaved girl. The one my sitter knew she could count on to be perfectly behaved with outstanding manners. She went thru spells for a week or two at times, when she was behaved terribly; like when she turned 2, and around 2.5 and again at 3. She's incred bright and advanced which makes this situation more different.
    About two to three months ago a switch flipped. She started refusing to listen so either of us or her sitter (a small in home daycare), began talking very rudely and snotty, began being very possessive of toys with other kids (used to be such a good sharer that she'd give all her toys to others), etc etc. I have tried everything. Talking to her about it, bribing her with a small reward at the end of the day if she does what is expected, yelling, time out, swats on the butt (not hard, just an attention getter), smothering her with affection in case she was feeling sad or stressed, taking things away like tv, favorite toys, etc, showing her the fun things we can go do if she is a good listener (zoos, theme parks, movies, etc) and nothing is working. Nothing has changed in out day to day life. No new schedules or jobs or people. I am stumped and overwhelmed to the point that I've had to go back on my anti-anxiety meds. Please help me get my sweet girl back!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    if you are trying so many methods for getting her back on the right path she will feel that you are desperate about it and will not behave. you're making it worse by seeding confusion. you to be very careful with this and mark off the situations that need explainations, those that need rewards those that need yelling and those that don't need any acting. in this way she will know when is right and when is wrong to do something and how bad or how good is what she did.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    It could be possible that she is seeking attention. Children loves to be noticed. Maybe you have been busy and the child only wants recognition. They have no capability yet of determining what is wrong and usually children only seek attention.

  4. #4

    You are not alone

    I just signed up for this forum for the exact reason! My daughter is 4 in November. It's nice to know I am not the only one, having panic attacks over this behavior! We have been meditating nightly the past week and so far no luck. Could be attention seeking behavior but I feel she gets plenty of attention. She is an only child and we have a big extended family. I am desperate for help as well hang in there momma

  5. #5
    Hopefully some of these issues will be outgrown soon. It's good that you've tried a lot of different methods. At the same time consistency can be important too. If nothing really seems to work, pick one that was perhaps a little effective and stick with it a while.

    By age 4 you can also be talking to your child about these behaviors. Sit them down and have a conversation about how a negative behavior would make her feel if she were the other person. Having them write apology cards (especially to the sitter) is a good idea. This also helps kids to reflect on what they had done.

    The main thing is don't give up. Sounds like you're doing your best. As long as you're persistent, I think you'll be able to help your kid through this.

  6. #6
    I would stick with 1 reward system and 1 consequence. Say it's a tv show she likes or getting something small from a "treasure chest" that you make. She either earns it or she doesn't. With tantrums, I once laid down beside my daughter and threw a tantrum right beside her. She looked at me like I had lost my mine and weirdly, she got up and went over to get a toy and ignored me. Every stage is hard, but if it's causing you panic attacks, I'd check with your doctor about some's ok to need them sometimes.

Please reply to this thread with any new information or opinions.

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