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New mom needs help with breaking bad sleep habits (8month old) PLEASE help.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2017

    New mom needs help with breaking bad sleep habits (8month old) PLEASE help.

    I'd like to preface this whole thing with a story because I think it will explain HOW all of these bad habits came to be.

    My husband was diagnosed with cancer 2 weeks after we bought our first house, pressure was put onto us HEAVILY by his doctor, now or never yo have 2 weeks to decide. OUI! She kept pushing how unlikely it would be for us to have kids after chemo, so we gave it the good ol college try and what do you know it stuck!

    Fast forward toward the end of my pregnancy, the last 3 months I took a nose dive medically. I couldn't walk, and if I did it was assisted just long enough to sit down again or to get into a wheel chair. My "dr" did nothing absolutely nothing. We found out shortly after she wasnt even a dr, but a nurse practicionner who was suppose to hand me off in declining health and never did.

    My daughters birth was a nightmare, not the birth itself, man that was EASY compared to the pain I'd been in for 3 months. Ladies you KNOW thats saying something. But the nurses and doctors had me in full panic, screaming, yelling, telling me my heart was giving out, that my daughters was giving out. One was straight screaming in my face. They were being interupted, I could hear them talking about another woman down the hall, practically butchered, YES THEY SAID BUTCHERED! Because she couldnt do natural and they didnt have time to wait for the stuff to kick in so she couldnt feel anything. Mean while I'm laying there, eyes pinched closed trying to block all this out and just have my baby. THIS plays a vital role in things down the line.

    My daughter was in perfect health, no problems at all. We went home after 2 days in the hospital. 2 days later I ended up admitted with heart failure... There was so much liquid in my body it was in my lungs, I could barely breath. They had to watch me when I slept in fear of drowning in it.

    We went home I had my husband for a month thank goodness, to help me get back on my feet. And even though my body was healing, my mind was not.

    Everything that had happened...changed me. Ruined me. I was in the depths of post partum that bordered on psychosis. I would see and hear things that weren't there. I would sob, freeze in the middle of making a bottle and stare at my knife block wondering if I could shove i knife deep and fast enough that I wouldnt feel anything.... I couldnt stop myself from having these thoughts.... I had seen a psych dr...I had followed the proper steps the second I felt like this...he wrote me a prescription and sent me out the door, diagnosing me with bipolar, postpartum, anxiety, depression. So on and so forth...but never bothered to actually talk to me.

    My dear sweet husband...bless that man. He is THE ONLY reason I'm still here. His support was unwavering, always understanding, the man would get 2 hours of sleep LITERALLY a day, trying to work and take care of both of us. I finally found a dr to really listen to me. She fixed my meds, actually CARED about me. You could see it in her eyes.

    Things started to change. I started to change. I felt better, I was putting back all the pieces of me.

    The only problem was... I think I ruined my daughter's sleep while trying to get there.

    I was in pain twenty four seven when she was born... I could barley lift my arms I was so weak. So I did what ever I could to take care of her, to make her happy, to soothe her. But she would scream for hours on end, from the time she woke up at 7am- till she went to bed at 9pm. There were no naps, there was no peaceful cuddling. There was only screaming, and asleep. I dont know if it was me, I truly have no clue. But this is what I do know....

    This child has fought sleep from day 1. It was worse in the first 2 months. Better at 3 months. We started to find a schedule that worked for everyone. But even at this peak... it was still always a fight. We made habbits, she always had to have her binki for sleep, swapped out from a bottle while she was half out of it. She ONLY slept in the swing, litterally for the first 5 months, this child would sleep no where else. If she wasnt rocking, nothing worked. We tried, trust me we tried. If we tried to gently get her into bed or her crib, she'd wake instantly. If we started in the bed or crib, she never got down, she would scream endlessly. We tried and tried, we were firm when we started a plan. We didnt waiver, all the guides and books in the world would tell you, oh just keep firm, have a plan, it'll work. WRONG. lol. The COT was not an option for me. I physically couldnt bare it. If she's going to scream I might as well be there to help her through it. And thus that brings us to current day.

    At 8 months, I have to say she is an amazingly bright baby, and always has been. She can navigate our house in a walker like a professional race car driver. She very close to walking by her self. Durring the day, she is pretty good at independent play, She will play with toys, scoot around in her walker, watch tv for sprees of anywhere from 20-40 minutes at a time, followed by interaction play always.

    Here is a detailed schedule.

    7:00-7:30 Wake and whole milk (anywhere from about 3 oz to 6 oz, she's not a big drinker in the morning.
    7:30-8:00 She will watch an educational tv show such as baby Einsteins, Little Einstiens, Pinky Dinky Do, Super Why, something along those lines, her fav are the first two. She will dance and head bob to the music lol.
    8:00-8:30 Play time with a parent, usually its me, but when her daddy is home he takes over (he's a saint). This is now usually walking practice, as its her fav things to do right now, but sometimes its tickeles and funny voices, just talking and being silly. Very carefree what ever she feels like doing.
    8:30 is breakfast. If her Daddy is home we make big breakfasts, if he's at work we do a variety of baby cereals, from wheat, to oats, to rice cereal.
    8:45-9:10ish is floor time, she'll play with blocks, toys, anything she can get her hands on really. She loves tv remotes lol.
    10: Nap, she is rocked, with a bottle, the carried to bed. She will sleep for 45 minutes to the mark.
    11:00-2 is filled much the same, lunch, snacks, play, independent time.
    3-6 is dinner, snacks, play independent time.
    6:00 is bath time, she LOVES bath time.
    6:30-7-7:30 she naps
    9: bed time. The fight begins. lol.

    Its important to note, that we did not choose this bed time, but it literally made no different to start earlier in her bed time routine it just added another hour or more to the fight. This includes cutting the 3rd nap and trying to 7-8 she would just wake up as if that had been a nap, and end up pushing bed time even later, and still waking at 7-7:30. ALWAYS up by then no matter how late she went to bed. I have never "woken her up" but rather just followed the schedule she gave me when she actually started napping and stuff.

    She weened herself from the binki, I had no choice in this either. One day she just didnt want it. We had started to make massive progress following this, no bottle at all, just singing to go to bed. But then she also went off formal about 2 weeks later. Again this was by her own doing, she was eating full meals, snacks AND having formula, it was way way to much, so I switched her to whole milk. She only takes the bottle to sleep, any other time she denies it.

    This brings us to 7 months. When we stopped the formula. She started waking in the night here and there, then it was every night 2-3 times, then it was some really bad nights of 6-8, then back down to 2-3. maybe 2 nights in the whole month she didnt wake at night. She started hardcore fighting us at bed again. Sometimes regardless of the screaming she would still give in at about 10 minutes, this was a GOOD night. On a bad night...1-3 hours. The usual is about an hour or so.

    What we want: We really wanna reduce the night wakings, as If I wake at night...i dont go back to sleep... I just can't, I have no idea why. Doesnt matter how tired I am. My husband usually gets up with her and tells me to try to lay back down, if i'm still half out of it this works, but sometimes...i just wake up to much to go back down. This leaves me exhausted the next day.

    We really want to get her to just...go to sleep in her crib...but nothing we've read about has ever worked. If we lay her in here drowsy and ready for bed, she just wakes back up to full energy and will usually entertain herself for about 5-10 min and then the screaming starts. There is no amount of shushing, patting, sweet words and patience to change this. She has no self soothing and I have no idea how to teach her some. White noise has no effect, Singing only works if I'm rocking her with a bottle. I'm truly at a loss as to how to get her from the rocker with a bottle, to independently going to sleep on her own.

    It's important to keep in mind my husband and myself are both physically capped, between the chemo for him, and my body still weak from the heart failure and complications from pregnancy we cant spend hours leaning over her crib to get her to sleep. We simply don't have it in us. We're not healthy enough for it. Not yet at least.

    Please note for those concerned, Mentally I am fit as a fiddle now. My dr really took care of me and got me the help I needed. I'm back on track as far as all that goes.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Have you ever thinking of seeing a doctor that helps baby to sleep? (Sorry i'm new here but thought i could share)

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